czeriza got her poem, "machination," published in the philippine graphic. machination is part of the collection "machination and other poems" that won her an ustetika in 2004. early this morning while reading the sunday papers i wished my friends would send their poems for publication in the dailies and the magazines. hours later i saw her poem in graphic. i am so proud of her.
years ago, when we (shar, cze, yas, glai, ryan, chuck) were trying to be writers, cze was the one who showed the most potential. and then shar, because she was so dedicated and eager and willing to learn. im not saying the rest of us sucked; what im saying here that shar and cze knew where they want to go, while the rest of us were wandering aimlessly. so years after yas found out what she wanted to do, and glai's doing great with what she's doing (ryan's gone somewhere).
that leaves me here still not knowing what i want to do.
truth: these days i have been to pre-occupied with the idea of me being sick, me dying after a few years, me failing my parents because i am weak.
i often tell myself death and sickness are things i cannot control right now, that all i can do is pray, have faith. that i may not be sick after all. but after ive psyched myself that i am not sick, something always comes to ruin my belief. like now.
so here, i tell you: i will not die. i will not die. i am not sick. i am not sick. i will do what i want to do. i will be a writer.
i know God will help me. I know.
